He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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