she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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