Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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