Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
