He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
