Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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