ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
