Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's always time for handjobs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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