I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
