Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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