New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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