NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
be right there i have to get my cape
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
