I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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