did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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