Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
