Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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