At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize