Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize