I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
