I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
