hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
