I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just want to make out with him forever
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
