Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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