fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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