her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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