Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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