I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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