If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
