He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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