is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
