It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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