: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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