We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
