I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
