Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize