1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
