You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize