I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
