2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
