Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
