Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
