happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
