yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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