There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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