That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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