I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
