I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
