dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
