10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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