i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
