Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
