Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
