my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
