just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
