I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
