I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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