Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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