yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
