Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
