Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
