I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
