who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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