So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you never un-have a 4some
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
