You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Alive.
So much puke
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
