Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
