so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
