i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
