he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
