I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
