I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
