Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
