this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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