"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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