yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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