Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
