using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
