Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize