ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
