You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
