I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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