i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
