is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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