I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
