the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
