Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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