She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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