she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
