I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
